Yes, Yes, Yes!

The Inner

Titled: Death be my amen

my LOVE’s heart beats loud as a swat team home invasion
boom boom boom boom
will you come in?
and once you enter make a home
or find that it’s already been made for you
He who’s heart is just as strong as it is tender
is a Living Invitation to see Him with the eyes of a hawk hunting for dinner
see Him clear as still water

LOVE! aren’t our eyes still clouded?

yes, clouded as Flint’s water
and we, Your children, drink in this poor perspective
LOVE!
when my eyes lie i need Your
breathe to become vacuum
a black hole
pull me in with Your inhale
that i become like Jonah in the belly of the whale
seeing You from the inside out
and as i am being swallowed
i will make a pit stop at Your heart,
so i can see
that
my LOVE’s heart beats soft as LOVER’s whispers
speaks sweet somethings of value and belonging
and when i don’t know where home is i can find it in You, mm
when i don’t know what LOVE is i can
find it in You, mm
i’m a child of the Truth, mm
and this world is at war tryna
divide me from You, mm

i want to be like prime numbers
divisible by One
and myself, only
i am temple of LOVE, its Spirit rests on me-
so wrest from me
everything of mine that’s not of You, mm

i give you full permission

LOVE, tho my eyes are clouded i say yes
LOVE, tho i know You not as intimately as i long to i say Yes!
LOVE!
let the fact that my body draws breath
be my eternal yes
and it’s death be my amen

The Discipleship Training School that I’ve been staffing since September had a “Creative Intensive Weekend” last week and as part of it, I shared ‘death be my amen’ with the school. If you read on you’ll see my inspiration for this poem.
You, me, and everybody in the world struggle to say Yes to LOVE. And we struggle with Yes because LOVE is Yahweh, and we as humans kinda suck at knowing truly who Yahweh is. I remember walking down State Street in Madison, Wi last year overhearing a conversation by 2 UW Madison students, “The God of the Old Testament is such a f*cking masochist!”, the one said.
Within me indignation arose like a mushroom cloud- a bomb had dropped and I could do nothing to defend my LOVE. I didn’t know the 2.
I kept walking. “my LOVE’s heart beats loud. . .” and it at times beats so loud that we become deaf to the life it signifies. Unable to hear my LOVE as loving.
And then the New Testament comes along and we get Jesus and He seems so nice and loving and soft and passionate and all the good stuff that we find so hard to see in “the f*cking masochist” that is “the God of the Old Testament”.
LOVE! aren’t our eyes still clouded? yes, clouded as Flint’s water
The next lines are a prayer to the One who is, at times, obscured from my sight the way a bride’s veil obscures her LOVE from her sight
when my eyes lie i need your breath to become vacuum. . . I’m a child of the Truth, and this world is at war tryna divide me from You“.
The poem ends with me speaking directly to my LOVE, telling Him
“tho my eyes are clouded i say yes
LOVE, tho i know You not as intimately as i long to i say Yes!
LOVE!
let the fact that my body draws breath
be my eternal yes
and it’s death be my amen”

and my “yes” is so emphatic because “i want to be like prime numbers
divisible by One
and myself, only”

The Outer

  • Destiny and I are leading a team of 15 students to Cyprus and North Africa for the next 3 months. We leave in 2 days!!
  • Due to my not staffing in YWAM Madison anymore the organization that processes my support has changed. I was able to get the new account approved just today. Dear supporters expect an email from me that tells you how to keep supporting me. Thanks for your support!
  • Being in Nurnberg is a tremendously liberating experience. Perhaps there was a proverbial “something in the water” in Madison because being here I feel like a weight has lifted and I am more myself than I have ever been in my entire life.

The Photos

Dear Supporters

  • Instructions for transferring your support (YWAM Madison has already cancelled your donations to me, the last deposit will have been in the first week of December so you don’t have to worry about cancelling your support but if you are- )
  • email: ywam@ywammadison.org and say, “my name is _______ and I want to cancel the support I send to Matthew Bogart.
  • to start supporting me Fill out this form: https://meigiving.com/Sites/meiGiving2.php and when it asks “Person/Project/Account” write in “BM3654”. This is my account number. You can choose how much to give, and how frequently, and the duration of your donations!
    As I’ll be on outreach I’ll have limited ability to check in with you to see if the transfer went smoothly, but I hope to be able to reach out.

i want to be close

may the voice of the LORD warm my ear
may the dust of His feet
be kicked upon me, all my years

i want
to be
close
as the clothes to my body
i want
to be
close
as stars to the sky
i want
to be
close
as lovers
as friends

my Teacher
let us be huddled together

titled: huddled together

The Inner

Intercession is one of my favorite rhythms of life- it’s a time we set aside to literally hear from Father what’s on His heart, and as we hear, we boldly echo His prayers. While I was in Madison, Father would often encourage me to write and share poems during group intercession times, and rarely would I do what I was asked. I was afraid and insecure. What if people think I’m sharing this poem just because I want to be recognised as a good poet? Or worse, what if my community thinks I’m a bad poet? Do they even want to hear a poem from me? What if I’m not hearing Father right? What if this- What if that- What if- What if- What if?!
All I could think was “What if” and I allowed my fears to get the best of me. Effectively, I was silenced. And that’s griefworthy because what if I’d remembered? Remembered last fall when the Head Pastor of my church and I collaborated every month. He’d sent me the bible passages he was going to preach on and he gave me free reign to create a piece that would be shared on church on a Sunday. We did that every month over the fall. If only I’d remembered the trust my pastor placed in not only my creative ability but also the fear of the LORD within me that would seek to honor Father in whatever I shared with the congregation. After one service a woman came to me and told me how a piece I wrote helped her wrestle through some of her own theological struggles. I was touched, and honored. And I forgot.
Forgot in such a way that my mouth closed up the way a powerful river does when it is dammed up. I was dammed up. And in my dammage I felt like I couldn’t contribute to the spiritual life of my community. I couldn’t, because I wouldn’t, because I was afraid to.
When I came to Nuremberg two months ago I made a commitment to be myself, no matter what. I told myself that I wouldn’t test the water, I’d jump in. That commitment has been the single most redemptive choice I’ve made in my whole life. All encompassingly it’s had trickle down effect on the way I relate to everything from the jokes I make, to how I handle conflict, to prayer life, to how I carry myself. These days when I interned and God tells me to write a poem I pull out my phone and start writing. Sometimes the “What if’s” attack me, but when it happens- I do my best to remember. Remember who it is Father is, and who it is He has called me to be. A creative who powerfully communicates His Truth while displaying just how beautiful He is.
May I be closer to Him and His Truth than I am to fear and insecurities.

The Outer

DTS Started!! We have 31 students from 15 different nations!! Thanks to all of you who have partnered with me financially- my outreach (to as of yet not publicly announced locations. message me and Ill tell you) for the next 2 years has already been paid off! Yay God, and Thanks y’all!!

The Photos

We hosted a team from China. Put on a few workshops, and presented the Gospel to them.
One girl asked me, “Nobody back home is a Christian…why should I be one?”
and I had the honor of sharing with her just how GOOD our Father is.
This is my friend Malorie. She loves Betty White and me.

Caleb and I collaborating on a piece I wrote called Growth

take me Home

Once you’ve been uprooted once
it’s easy to forget
that all you need is Living Water
and the light of the Sun to bloom


See,
I can be repotted into any soil
knowing that the plans of The Gardener are never foiled


He will have His harvest
He has come that Garden might become Kingdom
and harvest become choir of voices singing,
“when I was wilting you watered me
when I was growing you pruned
and tended me
and now I receive every ounce of goodness you intended me
You never left me
I’m thankful
Oh so thankful
for how you have befriended me”


Me, small seed that knows it must cling to soil
tightly as vines coil round a tree
if I am to grow here
I, in all things
must remember


The Gardener knows the soil and the seed
and it is Him
who planted me

The Gardener

The Inner

“Take me home”
I prayed, as the unmoving plane I’d been sitting in of for an hour that has a problem that the pilot says will be “probably solved” starts to rush down the runway.
When I said home, I meant Madison.
Lord said, “you still don’t get it, yet, do you?”
Right now, as I write this, I am flying home.

And that’s crazy.

Crazy because who am I but a kid from a small town in Oregon? A kid who didn’t even graduate High School.
A kid who up until 4 years ago didn’t actually have a firm understanding of what it meant to be or to have a home.

I made a mental note to myself in New York to journal, asking myself the questions, “How will they receive me? Will they pursue me? How will I react to their pursuit of me?”.
But honestly, I can’t answer those questions yet. Still, the fact that I’m asking them reveals my heart to myself.
I am most curious about how the relationships will go here. Curious of the new ones I’ll fashion. Curious of how they will be held together.
I once had a girlfriend I wrote a poem for and in it I said, “ I want you to come so close our hearts are like the snakes of the Caduceus tethered around the rod that is our God”.
We came together around shared faith. We believed in the same thing.
I think that it is what we believe in- and what we’re willing to do for those beliefs that cultivate a sense of Home.
I have a dear friend in Madison and we believe in Netflix, analyzing film, and trying to learn from things we’ve just seen.
Another playful friend believes in wine and card games.
A 3rd treasured friend of mine believes in beloved quality time and is willing to do almost anything to be with those she loves.
Those beliefs rubbed off on me.
I’ve become a wine drinking, card game playing, film watching, quality time savoring man, and as I fly Home, I’m excited.
Excited to find out what kind of Home awaits me, and how I will collaborate with them in cultivating a Home for everyone.

How will my new home rub off on me?

And how will I rub off on it?

The Outer

•I’ve moved to Nuremberg, Germany. And I’ll be here for the next 2 years.

•I’ve secured housing.

•working on starting the Visa process.

•This last week has been staff orientation. Good stuff.

•Staff Training for DTS starts August 26th

The Prayers

•Pray I start going to bed at a good time 😅. It’s a 7 hour time difference and my friends don’t wake up till late afternoon so I talk to them late into the night cause I miss them.

•There’s differences organizationally between Ywam Madison and Ywam Nuremberg and it’s an adjustment period for me

•Relational Adjustment. I’m in a new country and continent where I know nobody. I’m the outsider. They’ve made me welcome, but still, I’m the new kid.

•My family going thru some stuff. Please pray for them.

The Pictures

img_2785
The literal only pic of me I’ve gotten the last 2 weeks haha

img_2645St. Lorenz church.

img_2630Grandeur

Sent, and Sent For

The Inner.

“Leaving is an integral part of arriving.” That’s what I heard God say to me during an early April YWAM Madison Retreat at Lake Geneva. For the last couple years I’ve wrestled with the question of, “do I stay in ywam madison, or do I leave?”. As a person I pride myself on my loyalty and my resilience so I wasn’t about to just LEAVE, ya know? Unless God told me otherwise I was planning on being stationed in Madison and never leaving.

I’ve been in Madison now for the last 3 years and bit by bit I’ve taken up more ownership. The big bits being staffing at Pho’s House (discipleship housing for college students) and running Spark (art elective in DTS).

To leave I equated with giving up. Defeat. Abandonment. And none of those words I like using to describe how I engage with anything. I know I’ve made an impact here and I was scared that if I left nothing I’ve done would matter. It would return to dust. In His wisdom, Lord knew I’d need some serious emotional reconciling in order to be able to even consider transferring elsewhere.

During the Retreat we looked at the story of Jacob and Esau. And one point their mother tells Jacob to run because “if Esau returns He’ll kill you, and I can’t lose both of my sons today.” That passage spoke to my spirit, revealing that some battles are not for me to fight. And that God doesn’t always ask us to fight. In a lot of ways that passage broke this pride in me that said, “you can’t put down anything you’ve picked up”.

He told me, “I’ve sent you, and sent for you”. These words conjured an image of journey on my end, and request for my presence on another. A leaving of and a going towards.

I left the Retreat knowing I would be leaving YWAM Madison. But I did not know where I would be going.

Now, I do.

I will be moving to Nuremberg, Germany to work with YWAM Nuremburg, staffing Discipleship Training Schools there for the next 2 years. And I leave July 23rd!!

The base there is very arts centric. In fact, the DTS is called “Marriage of the Arts”.

I’m so excited to be a part of staff there, to experience new culture, and to develop myself personally and creatively!

The Photos

Pho’s friends! We’ve been watching films a lot lately and last night we shared a meal together before the movie

This is Bri, she just graduated DTS, she was one of my Spark students. I’m proud of her. This pose is an inside joke

Filming for a piece I wrote called, Affirmation II [The Dominance of Non-Belonging]

img_2076
I GOT A POEM PUBLISHED FOR THE FIRST TIME. YAYY